Sandpaper and My Soul; Undertaking Restoration

written by: Jamie Campbell

I am in a season of reconstruction. My invisible boundaries are now lined with barricades and construction tape. It’s a sensitive project, restoring my soul that is. It’s a paramount and essential task in which I can rejoice in God! I prayed to Him to help me see the wrongs in my life, to make the changes where I need, and to guide me to where I need to go. God answered me by taking sandpaper to my soul, stripping me of all excess, making me aware of my complete dependancy on Him. I was always a believer, but life and it’s many props got in between God and I. My husband and I were blessed with a prosperous life, but lost sight of a Force that would keep us grounded. I am cognizant of my failure to keep Him in the center of my life. John 1:3 (NIV) Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

When undertaking a restoration project, the old must be stripped away. The old way of thinking, the old self-centeredness, the old negativity, the old stubborn attitude; all must be sanded down. And I can testify that the feel of sandpaper is rough against the ways I must shed. But the hope in my soul is more alive and vibrant than ever! I feel the lightness of losing the excess. In my bareness, I see a new path, a new life; and I can embrace the comfort and protection of my God who is working earnestly to restore me. I can see that it starts and ends with HIM, and all things added to my life should be glorified in Him.

I used to thank God here and there. I truly felt that I had a thankful spirit. I knew that I had blessings in my life and I thought I was grateful. But now with the bareness and brokenness I carry, I can touch the true meaning of thanks. My spirit is engulfed in gratitude to Christ, for saving me from myself. And through reading His Word, I understand the need for a strong foundation. Therefore, the restoration project commenced in me, seeking to start with Christ.

I am more humble now for there is no excess to feed my pride. And while I am “under construction” and the new, strong building blocks are put in place through God’s Word, faith, family and Christian support; there are still little cracks that reveal themselves, requiring more sanding. I was meditating on my need to be humble and how I now can feel true humility in my circumstance. In my spirit came a new revelation. My husband and I both loved to give when we had money. We both enjoyed treating others to meals, giving gifts, and helping others by means of donations. We are now not in the position to give to others. We are on the other side, where we are on the receiving end of gifts and blessings from family and friends. I can say that I don’t like to be in that position, it’s a very hard spot for me to be in. Blessings from my parents, my sister, my husband’s sister and brother-in-law, close friends, have been given to us in our time of need. And in receiving these gifts from loved ones, my emotions overwhelm me to tears of gratefulness. At the same time, the pain of losing control as the giver splinters my soul. There’s a sense of control as the giver, and the receiver is blessed but also indebted to the giver. I realize that I’d never been able to fully accept a gift. In past, if someone gave me a nice gift; I would quickly want to return the favor. Instead of me just accepting a gift, I had to regain control by making sure I gave back. I am sure this is not an uncommon feeling among others, at least I don’t think it is. But by reflecting on my reluctancy to receive gifts or help, my pride was illuminated. It’s a pride thing in me. And pride is the opposite of humility. So another crack was revealed in my restoration project. I can still return the favors to those who helped us out, when I am on more stable ground. I will feel indebted to those who so graciously blessed us in this time of need. But I will let go of the pride and shame in my heart, when someone wants to bless me. This is a tough crack to repair, and possible requires more grinding. But I will move forward through this by leaning on Christ to help me in those areas. I remind myself daily, that God gave us an everlasting Gift. That Gift was His Son, Jesus. I would not be “under construction”, building a new and solid foundation in my life, if I reluctantly received Jesus in my heart. Thank you, God for sacrificing Your Son for usall.I am forever a child of God! And my soul is catching up to my renewed spirit in YOU!